Sunday, December 14, 2008

Fat Tire Sunday 12-14-08


Views, ice, crashes, laughs, climbing......this mornings MTB ride had it all. We were expecting the threat of rain but there wasn't a cloud in the sky and the air was crisp and crystal clear. It was a bit on the chilly side though. Fortunately, everyone brought backpacks with enough room for 20lbs of extra clothes. Everyone except Mike Abbott. The only thing I don't like about Mike is that he makes everyone else around him look like a big sissy. At the top of Gibralter before we dropped Angostura I was wearing leg warmers, booties, an undershirt, shortsleeve jersey, arm warmers, skull cap, a wind vest, a thermal vest, a wind jacket, a rain jacket, a face mask, and two pairs of gloves and I was still freezing my ass off on the descent. Mike was wearing a jersey and shorts..........and he couldn't stop talking about what a beautiful day it was. I think he's part Eskimo or polar bear or something. John Comunal provided some excitement by crashing in a corner on Angostura. He was fine, and more importantly his new kit was fine as well. He provided some eloquent words on what it feels like to crash. I believe his exact words were "The thing that sucks about crashing is you hit the ground......and the ground hurts". I don't think truer words have ever been spoken. Well said John!

We ended up with 34 miles, 5,600 ft. of climbing and 4 hours of riding. Of course 45 minutes of those 4 hours were spent putting on and taking off clothes for the different portions of the ride, except Mike of course. He spent those 45 minutes eating nails and killing mountain lions with his bare hands. All in all a great ride. Looking forward to seeing all of you out there next weekend.

See ya,


It's Saturday, So It Must Be Ojai


Well we had a great ride this morning. Our first real Team ride since the new kits came in. It was cool to see everyone out there with their matching kits on (except Dave). To the untrained eye I'm sure we looked like a pro squad out for a winter training ride. And fortunately for us we had two actual pros pull us around for the first half of the ride which made us look legit to any "trained eyes" out there on the road. The weather was cooperative for the most part with no rain, and no wind until the very end of the ride. Unfortunately Dave's sense of direction was not as cooperative and we missed our turn and ended up adding 5 or so extra miles to the ride. But the president of the Ojai chapter of the club, Ben Edwards came to the rescue and got us back on the right track. All in all a great ride. we stuck together on the climbs and rode a nice steady tempo with no real stops or delays. It was nice to finally see Ray Turon out on an early morning ride. I hadn't seen Susie Willett or Greg Knowles out for awhile so that was a pleasant surprise as well. Looking forward to many more Team rides in the future. I was impressed with how strong everyone was. For a Team that doesn't recruit riders we actually have quite a few hammers in our ranks! I realize I'm gonna have to work harder if I want to keep up! But then again, that's sort of the whole idea. To inspire us all to work a little harder and have fun!

See ya out there,


Friday, December 12, 2008

It's Christmas Time At Fastrack!

Great Job Beau!!!!!

Sales will be booming!

I Feel It Important To Warn The World!

There has been some talk going on around the B Team email chain about the powers of our kits, so I feel it honorable to at least let everyone else in on the power of THE CHICKEN KIT!

The first report comes from one Mr. Matt Benko, or superhero Benko!

Hello everyone,

Well, the response to the new kits has been overwhelmingly positive which is cool. But I'm gonna tell you a true story that may make you like the kits even more. It turns out the new kits give you Super Powers when you wear them. How do I know this you ask? Let me explain.

On Tuesday morning I was riding to meet the 7:00am group at ROCO when I witnessed a crime being committed right on State St. at the corner of State and Victoria. Two kids, perhaps Jr High age were using paint pens to "tag" a couple of the store fronts. Now if I had been wearing any other kit I probably would've just ridden by thinking "What a couple of punks" but because I was wearing a brand new 2009 Team Chicken Ranch kit I felt empowered. So I did what any self-respecting Super Hero would do when placed in a similar situation......I called the police. Now I could have tried to be stealthy and whisper into my cell phone but I felt invincible at the moment so I rolled right up to the juvenile delinquents and spoke loudly into my phone "Hello police?...yeah I'm watching two kids tag a building on State and Victoria. You may want to come check it out." The criminals were startled by my boldness and the chase was on. I followed them on my bike as they ran into the City Lot and then into Victoria Court all the while steering with one hand and holding my cell phone with the other. I lost sight of the "perps" somewhere in Victoria Court so I finished describing what they were wearing to the dispatcher and then proceeded to meet the 7:00 group. But lo and behold the new kit has tracking powers as well and I spotted them again at the corner of Chapala and Figueroa. They didn't see me until I was about 15 feet away and this is when the new kit really showed the value of having your entire body encased in "faux-carbon fiber feathers". The taggers became enraged and like a wild animal when it's cornered, they attacked! They threw their orange colored paint pens right at me. This could've been a devastating blow. Thankfully I was wearing my new 2009 Team Chicken Ranch kit and the weapons bounced off of me and fell harmlessly to the floor. At the sight of this the two young thugs again ran for their lives and I continued on to Roco just catching the 7:00 group in the nick of time at 7:05!

Now I doubt the police ever caught these two vandals but that doesn't really matter. Because now they have the fear of "Chicken Justice" embedded deep in their hearts. I'm sure these two young boys will turn their lives around as a result of this encounter. They'll realize the error of their ways and look for more positive ways to express themselves. Perhaps they will go on to graduate from Harvard or Yale or UCSB and change the world. Just as we Chicken Ranchers will do in 2009. That's right...."Team Chicken Ranch....making the world a better ride at a time!"

See ya out there!


Then we got this amazing report from our down under correspondent Joel Groberg, aka "Snake Charmer".

G'day Everyone,

Matt's story reminded me of something that happened to me on a ride last week, that also demonstrated the amazing powers of the Chicken Ranch Kit...
I was doing a night training ride, and for a brief section of it I was alongside a 6-lane highway. I came up on a large stick that was across the bike lane, and sticking partially into the slow lane of the highway, and stopped to drag it off the road. When I got up to I realized (besides the fact that CR kits don't improve my night vision) that the stick was really an enormous python, about 13 ft. long. I immediately shifted into Steve Irwin/SPCA/Superhero mode and tried to get it off the road and headed back into the forest beside the road...I have seen too many big pythons struck dead on the roads here.

I knew that if I dragged such a heavy snake (70lbs?) off the road backwards that I would damage it's belly scales, which here during the wet season is nearly a death sentence for a snake. I could not go out in the road to get at the head. I decided to grab it by the back of the tail and annoy it so it turned around to see what was going on. It proved to be a very good decision in the short term, because it worked!

The down side to this strategy is that by the time snake came back to see what's happening at it's tail end it was a little pissed off. It struck at me a couple of times so I did the what seemed even more logical at the time, which was try and grab it by the neck. I only missed by 2 feet, that's how far behind the head I grabbed. If you want to have a big snake bite you, grab it a couple of feet behind the head, that brings it up close to your arms, face and torso. Given those biting options I am glad the snake chose to bite me on the arm....which was protected by my Chicken Ranch Jersey!

I figured as long is it had me by the jersey that I also had it, so I quickly backed off the road, into the forest and somehow managed to separate myself from the snake, and shooed it off into the forest. The jersey now has four small cuts in the left sleeve, which no doubt would have been in my arm if I had been wearing a lesser jersey.

I actually only have the retro 04 05 and 06 kits, so If anyone has an extra kit or if Dave still has them for sale let me know, I figure if the old kits are python-proof, what must the new ones be like?

Oh, and here's another recent snake story from our local paper, this one involving a python and a..... chicken!

All the best,
Joel in Cairns, Australia

Some have even thought this superhero is a Chicken Rancher, based on the similarities between our kit and his. Hmmmmmm!

We have even had one Chicken Rancher report he is so confident in the super powers his kit has he is going to wear it Elk Hunting. I'm not quite sure how that will help, but I'm waiting to hear.
The world should consider themselves warned.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Just a few tidbits, Happy Holidays Everyone!

I guess the racing season is never over; or maybe Iron Mike just never stops!

I hope everyone had great holidays, I just got back from the hecker race. It was a perfect 75 deg and a field of 13 racers set out on a perfect course"fast and tacky" the race went well finished second, with the third place guy 20 seconds behind. This is the editorial part: if anyone has any ideas to get more racers to the charberlin ranch, fire all the thoughts and ideas to hecker, he holds the key to the best place to race and only 30 minutes away. that's the soap box for today, that's a lot of words for someone who normally doesn't talk much!! see ya

mike abbott

Congrats to one of our newest members, we are going to have to teach him to write a race report. This came in from Gabe!

Congrats to John Van Mannekes from the Ventura chapter of the CR team for taking the win in the Piru TT today in the Cat 3's, and the 4th fastest time of the day!
Proof that the new 2009 kits are FAST.
I know there are tons of folks with all kinds of backgrounds on this team, but if you want to really feel like an underachiever check out this article about Kimberly Turner, or should I say Doc. ;O0 WOW! Kimberly congrats from your biking buddies and thanks for getting us some recognition in the intellectual world.

Hey Rich, nice legs! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with white hairy legs. ;o)

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Painted Cave Update

For those of you who have been missing the ability to fill up your water bottles at the faucet at the painted cave sign your prayers have been answered. There is a new handle

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Sneak Peak!

One lucky rancher has been kind enough to give us some insight in to the manufacturing and design of our new kits. Check it out!

Happy Dead Bird Holiday fellow Rancheros! The family and I were disappointed we couldn’t be here for the SB Drumstick Run to see the vanquishing, but we had official SBCR business to attend to as we made the journey to the “sister nest” of Cabeza de Gallina in central Guatemala, an unofficial, yet fully sponsored chapter of the Chicken Ranch Affiliation Project (CRAP). I was charged with delivering the 2009 kits to the team as they are, of course, sewn together by 9 year olds in a town close by. Not sure if information about the new kit has made its way through the email chain, but Dave got a little frustrated with the whole size matrix and decided that a “one size fits all” approach just made his life a heck of a lot easier (sorry Brad, almost all). Attached is a shot of the maiden run of Team Montana de Pollo sporting the new gear. And yes, Dave has assured me that each kit comes with “a” bike and it is, in fact, the one pictured…..